I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
