she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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