I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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