new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
