if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
