I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
