wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
