Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
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P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
What a dumb baby whore.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
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true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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