bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
