if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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