Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
