I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
you had me at cake vodka
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
