Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
