Plan B is the new Plan A
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
