im having a threesome with these popsicles
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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