He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
