apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
