Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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