I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
