Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
