I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
