I don't think brook has ever known best
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Randomize
