Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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