my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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