Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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