You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
