ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
