conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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