he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
