He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
