i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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