It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize