Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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