Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
