I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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