You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
i out mim tonsoeep
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