idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
