how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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