my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
