capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
we're making bets on your personal life
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
