are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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