I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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