Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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