I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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