I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
