i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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