dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
