she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
