I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Randomize
