Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
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She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
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If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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