oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
