he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
