And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
