On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
