return my video game
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
