ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i think i have two assholes
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
