So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
