i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
