Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
