if you like me you must not know who I am
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
