You just made me feel so damn special
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
