yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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