I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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