stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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