He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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