Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
