I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
