I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize