The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
