Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
