guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
