I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
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