I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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