so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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